I have carved myself onto the wallpaper

a newsletter as to how I've never ceased to exist

What precisely is martyrdom against the wallpaper, and also why would it have to be rather extreme? While martyrdom may be a tad melodramatic, why must I go to these extents and what is this extremity I talk about?

As I bit into in the apple of my mid - adolescence, I shut my eyes to the limited interaction I have had even with  the folks I feel love for.

However, I've been reminiscing about my childhood, at that point of time, I've never considered myself to be martyred against the wallpaper; I always stuck my chin up and was always able to chat. I've never been driven against even a wall with my skin ripped and teeth splintered and the word introvert hurled at me; I've always been an introverted, subconsciously. But when quarantine set, I almost shielded my sight, yearning to shrink. I craved human contact, but bizarrely, I despised how interaction felt, until I noticed the wall and opted to carve myself into it.

(a little shorter introductory post <3)