garlic sauce friendship
weird title, but a friendship totally worth.
When you're 16, you brush your hair more, buy the pricey low-cut dress to wear to the frat party you're expected to go to, and wear loud pink lipstick and sparkly eyelids all the time.
On Instagram, I constantly see all those tiny purple rings, stories. Then, I see something with a little dress, glittery eye makeup, a crappy rap song, and people screaming the lyrics onto your three-second video. I don't usually give out nasty signals, but are you really having fun? Could they be your friends, or are you behaving this way only to get their acceptance?
They were undoubtedly having a great time hanging out with their pals, but I still feel resentful about it. I've frequently wondered if I interacted like that, it would be accompanied by a wave of uncomfortable affirmation, inordinate hours wasted outside, likely hazardous behavior before reaching legal age, and the thickest circle of them all, my anxiety would then be unable to catch pace with the tide. I am conscious that not all friend groups share the same objectives, and I would undoubtedly be wasting my valuable youth if I did. When I see "chapter one" in my book, I quit thinking about it at that juncture.
My most vivid recollection of my tenth grade graduation is not trying on my cap and hopping up and down on my wooden floor whilst trying to tuck in any flyways. I was biting my fingernails and as my mind kept racing, I pondered about what I would do and whether I would still have friends. Friends who would eat the last of my fries and steal the garlic sauce, buy me cheap chocolate, and smear birthday cake on me. Afterward, I moved schools, and even though everyone there is courteous, I don't think I'll ever have the very same garlic sauce connection there. All those friends have moved on and all I can do is admire them from a distance and occasionally say "hello" in their Instagram direct messages because my garlic sauce friends have passed on to better things. I feel like a real stranger texting them, taking up space in their messages like some Instagram cyborg.
I sometimes feel like I demand too much territory. It's more like, how about I try dissolving into the internet's skeletal face? Would they perhaps emerge with a "hi" and aid me transcend the vast, black internet labyrinth? There I am, dissolved in their glass, dissolving a little more every day until I'm no longer there in their memories. For the majority of the people, I have dissolved. To bring up dissolved matter needs a great amount of energy, and to do that for someone that has just greeted you is far too much.
Garlic sauce friendship, although that does revolve around being frivolous, this sort of friendship takes time to develop and requires conversing about everything from our daily aggravations to the rock band Queen. You're probably thinking, "Oh writer, wouldn't it be nice if the new folks at your new place could also give forth a little of that garlic sauce friendship you talk about?" It is hard to formulate and preserve a garlic sauce companionship; there is a fine line between brutal humor and truly being brutal. Nevertheless, if you exude garlic sauce friendship energy, you might just attract the attention of someone who shares your values. That's also accurate, but in all candor, dear reader, I frequently suffer from anxiousness. I've fooled around with this new personality, and I've realized that I cannot get clear of it, but that's for the next time.